Gate- Thus I might've done something wrong with the timelines
by Tehpootisman
Summary: Alternate title: Thus, Sylvar Croati the edgelord did some really kinky stuff there. Oh and there's lesbians. Crackfic? Maybe it is. I dunno, I don't think so. Not meant to be taken seriously, lmao. Read at your own risk, may cause severe loss of IQ and/or waste precious seconds of your life. Also I put "Thus the x did something there" because that's what the cool kids do.
1. Chapter 1

**Yo yo it's MC.**

 **Is this even a crackfic? Lol I dunno.**

 **Not meant to be taken seriously.**

 **...Are you still reading this?**

 **Please don't, the sheer amount of stupidity will break you.**

 **Oh, so you're gonna do it?**

 **Don't say I didn't warn you.**

* * *

It was a beautiful day outside.

Birds are singing.

Flowers are blooming.

And Solarisaverti is FUCKING pissed.

"REEEEEEEEEEE SYLVAR DON'T DO KINKY LESBIAN INTERCOURSE ON MY BED I'M STRAIGHT IN THE OFFICIAL CANON STOP PLS YOU'RE AROUSING ME."

She could've easily just blasted them out of the room but last time she did that she had to get a new house because she made stars fly everywhere and the house fucking melted. Fucking idiot.

And as much as you'd probably want to see me type hot steamy lesbian Demon-Goddess Crossbreed on Gay Pride Grim Reaper action, well too fucking bad, we're keeping this weaboo bullshit family friendly, ya hear me?

Besides, we gotta get this plot moving forwards.

Um.

Shit, this is a Gate fic, isn't it?

UH CUE SCENE TRANSITION

* * *

Well, uh, the Gate opened. Somewhere.

Ultiel was an ex-archgoddess, because she loved someone and made a contract and gave up her powers so her in-game model could have a second hand so she could dual wield greatswords. Oh and she became fucking giant and got the ability to go at warpspeed even though big things are always slow but she decided to break the mold because FUCKING NORMIES.

Oh and she became a gardener so she could grow stuff like trees and Chaos Weed, because that shit's fukkin kinky.

And that's what she was doing, maintaining her gardens.

But then the super duper primitive dumbass roman/medieval guys from Waifu-land came in through the Gate, ready to fuck your shit, but then one of the dumb idiots stepped on a flower.

Ultiel got fucking triggered like a tumblr user during feminism discussions and pulled a pair of Thistle-blades out of her ass.

 **"FUCKING NORMIES GET OFF MY LAAAAAWN! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"**

Then she fucking wrecked them.

However, in another timeline, another Gate opened and Thus Waifu Whackers...whacked your silly waifu.

* * *

[legoblox278: haha wow you guys got wrecked]

[Aziron: your mom got wrecked :^^^)]

[legoblox278: wow thats not very nice]

[DivineEngine: GUYS SHES HEALING]

Rory was having the worst time ever, being attacked by a group of colorful people wielding red-colored Jokotos.

[Strobby: WAIFU WHACKING!]

[H0b0jojo: Wow this boss is easy peasy she doesn't even have ranged attacks]

It was the same thing, several of these weird men would rush her, slash her, before she would kill them, then her overpowered regeneration abilities would then kick in and heal her, the raiders would respawn, and start over. Then there was the one idiot who tried whacking her across the head with a "powerhammer" which was actually just a barbell.

 **DEMIGODDESS RORY MERCURY HEALTH: 10,000,000/10,000,000**

[legoblox278: aaay full health lmao]

[H0b0jojo: where the hell is lazy]

Then LazyTimothy123 came in and before you could say 'sword enema' they fucking wrecked her shit with Lunar Jokoto + Pathogen X zerg rush.

[legoblox278: DPS DPS DAMAGE PER SECOND]

[DivineEngine: DPS DPS]

[Big_Rigs: Aaaay rekt kiddo.]

[legoblox278: aaaay who wants to fight Hardy?]

[thebroz: oh hey an elf]

Tuka was very confused as the group of blocky humanoid figures crowding around her swinging around dangerous god-killing weapons.

Lelei just shrugged like the emotionless magical girl she was.

"Idiots." She mumbled, secretly fed up with this bullshit, not caring that they just reketed Rory Mercury.

* * *

Don't worry, there's always another timeline.

"Is that a person, whose head is a scaled model of a battleship, wearing a maid dress?" Itami Yoji asked, pointing at exactly what he was talking about; the glorious Ark-chan.

There are infinite timelines, my boy.

"Cool. Hey, is that a battleship...scissoring...a ladder...?"

Yep.

"Nice."

* * *

And then maybe there's a universe where the JSDF actually fought there. Maybe. Dunno.

 **At this point I stopped trying and started vaping.**


	2. Chapter 2

**OH SHIT WHAT?**

 **THERE'S MORE?!**

 **HAHAHAHAHA LOL OKAY.**

* * *

 **Chapter 2: Thus Itami climbed a fucking ladder**

One day in the Ginza district the Gate opened, blah blah blah, you should know this by now, considering the fact that you could easily exploit the fact that the Gate could open in any number of universes and timelines, and the fact that due to bad luck, you might lose one of them altogether.

So then these weird Roman things from Waifu-land attacked and stuff, as you all know, since that's how the story goes.

Japan's then all like "lol fuck off USA this is mine" and then Dolan Troomp made a sad face and began to plan out the whole Hakone thing because Yanai is a patriotic Japanese man who fucking hates North America/The US like dude seriously what the fuck.

Reality alert! According to the guys on the Gate forums here on Fanfiction, Ginza District is "within walking distance of the US Embassy", and that the palace they took refuge at is pretty much "across the street from the British Embassy" or some kinky shit like that. They also mentioned something about golf but that's not the point, because I am sure as hell not going back through 169+ pages of posts just to find the exact quote.

So then after three months they decided that they would take a trip to waifu-land and send in their finest Vietnam-era stuff in through the Gate.

* * *

Somewhere, Skeerlet sat upon her throne (Actually, it was an office chair made purely out of helium, fuck the rules).

Skeerlet is the Embodiment of Chaos, several times stronger than a God-Tier Celestial, being at least two or three levels above Archgoddess or Deity.

Of course, being the Embodiment of Chaos, she could do just about anything, as such as what she was doing.

All she really does most of the time is to annoy the Embodiment of Balance, Legia Lestarie, or make sure that Tehpootisman's fanfictions get really obvious plot coupons.

Hell, the last time she herself would've played a role in any fanfiction before I made this chapter, it would've been that one RWBY—Oh, right, back on topic.

Anyways, she shifted a little in the seat she sat in, and snapped her fingers, which caused the plot to advance! Holy shit! Wow! Amazing! Cool!

* * *

Itami Yoji found himself on a small island in the middle of FUCKING NOWHERE.

It was just him and a wooden ladder.

So he did what any sensible man would do, and climbed it. What? That's exactly what the title of chapter said.

Unfortunately, the ladder, whom was actually a powerful monster, didn't like this, and began to summon some motherfuckin' lasers and shit because it was the best Darksteel the Hedgeheg

Itam reached the top and got teleported down. Oh.

 **Ladder Stability: 7350/7500**

Since nobody wants to read a person climbing a ladder over and over let's just skip ahead.

* * *

 **[Cue One Punch Man theme. I'm serious, this actually happens during the fight.]**

 **Ladder Stability: 150/7500**

The sky was dark, the ground was orange, and there were FUCKING EXPLOSIONS EVERYWHERE.

Oh and that Skinnyass prick named Transcendence was here too, lifting weights and shooting lasers at Itami, who just wanted to go back to his timeline and go to waifu-land so he could make some weird harem thing.

Several hands flew out at him, attempting to grab him and throw him over the edge. However, he manages to avoid them, and approaches the last ladder rung.

This was it!

He would finally do it!

 **Ladder Stability: 0/7500**

There was a bright flash, as the Ladder demon gave out a silent cry of defeat, collapsing on the ground.

Trascendence disappeared, and so did everything else.

The grass changed back to its normal green color, as the sunlight returned.

Now it was just Itami and a broken ladder.

* * *

 **Badge earned: Ultimate Evil.**

 _"_ _THE LASER ALWAYS GETS ME WHAT THE HECK MAN ARK IS TOO HARD." [Actual description]_

 **Weapon obtained: Steigen.**

 _"_ _The Steigen is a fabled weapon said to have been hewn of the flesh ripped from a monster beyond comprehension. The beast towers above our plane of being, and appears to us as mundane objects...or so the story goes. Looking at the Steigen now, scholars doubt the beast's existance entirely. After all, what monster could possibly be made of wood?"_

* * *

Some time later I think Itami just found a way back to the Waifu Region but now he's super OP because he solo'd the Ladder and had a cool wooden spear that did like 4000 damage or something.

I don't know, okay? This isn't meant to have plot.

* * *

Lunalamakiavelli (jesus that's a mouthful.) was having a swell old time.

Her new original OC—I mean, her new superweapon, would surely mean the end of that miserable little Sylvar and her lesbian harem!

Her happiness ended when she saw the remains of her precious ladder demon on the ground.

She looked up at the sky, and yelled.

 ** _'_** ** _FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-!"_**

* * *

From the comfort of her own seat, Skeerlet had the biggest shit-eating grin as she once again pulled off a successful "prank" on Luna.

Oh hey, Solarisaverti is getting onto Sylvar for having lesbian sex on her bed.

Prank time!


End file.
